The Infernal Moth
by SilkHandkerchief
Summary: Who would not daydream about a second chance at life? To explore the paths not taken or undo time spent going circles, only mortals can fantasize with such reckless abandon. When one pierces the veil and finds the truth of what lies beyond, they find that the old saying "be careful what you wish for" isn't an empty threat after all.
1. When History Repeats Itself

_**Author Note**_ (24 September 2018)

 _To alleviate the worries of the readers of my other story: I am not done with the Heel Siblings. **Not by a long shot.** Those two are going to continue to act out in all their lovable ways for a long time still, and this story being published is not going to change anything in that regard. I may be tardy with publishing from time to time, but I haven't held out on anyone yet. :-)_

 _This new story is basically the result of me not being able to sleep and getting bitten all over by the creativity bugs. The only cure was that I just had to write this. There was no escaping it. Because of that it will serve as my sweet release from the constraints of the Heel Siblings story, which has become considerably harder to write for me in recent days._

 _ **The Infernal Moth** is going to be a story without an uploading schedule. Maybe I'll publish semi-regularly, perhaps it will be quiet for a while. Rest assured: I have no intention of leaving it unfinished... but at this point the end is nowhere close to on my mind. Its sole purpose is going to be that it has to be a guilty pleasure of mine to write and put my mind off things. If it can't be that, I don't even want to write or touch it. :-)_

 _Some of the early chapters were emotionally draining for me to write. So be aware: **this story may not be your cup of tea**. Like with my other story, I will try to maintain an emotionally balanced diet between the Serious and the Fluff, but for the early chapters that balance and variety will be lacking. Consider yourself warned. ;-)_

 _ **I hope you will enjoy this story about success, regrets, fairies and tragedy! ~SilkHandkerchief**_

* * *

 **Chapter 01: When History Repeats Itself** _(?)_

The people are staring crazily at me as they pass me by.

It is understandable. I must look like I am doing some stand-up comedy routine, rubbing my cheeks, flexing my face and staring into the reflective coating of this antique.. oh wait, it's the latest model at this time, right?

Modern, antique, whatever. I must still look ridiculous. Yet... I cannot help myself. No wrinkles! It is so good to be young again! I can't believe there was a time when I had such simple, black hair. I am truly the essence of youthful charm, huh? Wonderful!

And look! I can jump and skip and clap and touch my toes and not even be out of breath! They did not cheat me, ahahahaa! Howwww wonderful!

The evil charicature-esque laugh of cartoon villainess Catty Claws is what escapes my mouth, but I don't care one bit. I am young again, and can re-live my life a second time in ways incomparable to the first!

Unfortunately, even the resurgence of youth gets old after ten minutes of monkey-like antics. I'm going to blame the pervy old man wearing that vintage policeman uniform, and.. oh. Right. Probably not vintage.

I offer him a friendly smile, and he eventually offers a nod and glances away as I go to find where I'm supposed to be at. Or maybe a better question yet: where the hell am I, anyways?

Well, I could go home. If my hairstyle is any indication, I'm still chasing that idiot around, so the apartment should still be paid for. As I go to feel in my pockets, I indeed find the key I am thinking of. Whew.

What do I say if he's there when I arrive, though? Hmm. Well, whatever. He's just a boy. If I can't deal with the likes of him, would that not be the biggest blemish of my career?

... A blemish beyond that stupid PV of his, that is. Bah; that asshole should have been my stepping stone and yet I gave him royalties for life by associating my name with it.

That damn role didn't even have any lines! Nobody recognised me, so in the end, I got nothing out of it. I 'beat' him? Screw that: I just gave him a boost!

It became his best-selling record, all because I was so damn unprofessional. Kuon said it was karma at one point, and I am still pissed off that he was right about it. A maiden lacking earnest motives cannot get the recognition of any kind of higher authority. And it is true: I would never have earned a spot in his heart otherwise.

But still... had I known back then that the limited promotional release of that PV would turn out as it did, I would have steered clear of it. It holding a place in the top-ten rare butterfly-memorabilia is still a blemish I cannot shed. Why oh why would those IDIOT fans ever consider 1.6 MILLION DOLLARS a good price for a SHITTY sealed package they'll never open?! They are IDIOTS. Complete utter IDIOTS. How do they even function?!

Deep breaths, Kyoko. Dear God. You might be young again, but just how many doctors visits could I have avoided had I kept my temper under control when I was younger? It is worth finding out in this life.

Ooh, I recognise that bench over there! Finally, now I know where I am at! Couples were always sitting there, feeding the ducks and driving me nuts with envy to where I wanted to drag Sho with me to also have that kind of happy experience... but of course I couldn't.

Shit..! I won't have to pretend to like him for too long, will I? I need a reason to dump his sorry ass, or it will be way too suspicious. My Sho-mania was far too advanced to be cured from without a shocker like the one he gave me back then.

"... outanpost... "

Hmm? What's that noise in the distance?

" .. ove it! Move! I'm in a rush!"

Kids these days. Always rushing. I guess it is the same now as it was back th.. in the future. Nothing changes. I try to give my fiercest glare as I look at the two-wheeled tornado that is rushing at me.

" ... Shou-chan's poster! Shou-chan's poster! Shou-chan's poster! Shou-chan's poster! If I rush faster I can make it! Shou-chan's poster! Shou-chan's poster! Dooon't cloooooooooooooossseeeeee yeeeeeet!"

She's by me in but a second. But the moment where I saw her panicked face makes me realize.

That's me.

...

 _ **THAT'S ME!**_

Those damn faeries tricked me! Or at least one of them did. How am I supposed to relive my life when I am still wandering around out there?!

Now what the hell am I supposed to do?

Hide away and live an unrelated second life?

Kill my young self and take her place? I definitely look like her...

... of course you do, you silly old fart. You are her and she is me, except boundlessly more stupid!

Damn it! Dealing with faeries is never simple. I should have known to distrust them even more!

I used to know all that by heart when I was young, but I am ashamed to admit just how much I had forgotten. It is the folly of age to question things that should not be questioned. How could a few dozen questions, thought up on the spot, ever cover all the bases I needed them to cover? Why was I so damn self-assured?!

I should have said 'No! Sayonara!' and gone on with my life.

Sigh.

Kuon, can you forgive me? I truly deserted you this time. I've once again forsaken my filial duties as your wife and instead left you all alone out there in the future.

I'm soo sorry. Kuon!

And then there is that stupid idiot all obsessed about Sho posters, no doubt while cursing your name.. I ask your forgiveness for that, too. She doesn't know any better yet!

.. Wait. Sho posters? Doesn't... Oh hell no. No no no no!

She's going to personally bring Sho his meal after getting the posters.

And then he's going to break her heart! **NO!**


	2. The Not-Quite-So-Eternal Butterfly

**Chapter 02: The Not-Quite-So-Eternal Butterfly** ( _Butterfly)_

"And that's a wrap! Thank you everybody!"

My rocking chair continues to move underneath my body as I allow a sigh to escape. That's it, then. The end.

As I get out of my chair Inoue-chan is coming to me, shaking her head in a panic-like manner and practically forcing me to sit back down in my chair. "No no. Don't rush yourself, Butterfly-sama. We're done shooting now, there's no rush anymore."

Habitually, I shake my head and force my granny-smile at her, although some of my inner venom spills out as I respond to this 'actress' with less than half-a-decade under her belt. "Look dear, I've done this job for just shy of seventy-five years, and I know the way this works. Those boys have their jobs to do; if they don't clean up the set there's going to be hell, and I'm not going to be the ornery old bitch who let go of her professionalism on her final production just because there were no more consequences or people to appease. Understand?"

Going off like that on this little greenhorn has made the crew take notice of me. Again. Goddamn it. How did Kuon ever deal with the constant attention of being the admirable senior? You were always the one viewed with such pleasant gazes and endless respect, crowded out no matter where you went... yet now they make me suffer in this manner.

"I don't look like I'm dying, right?"

Some sarcasm slips through as I keep my kind-smile expression on my face, even as I feel my bones complain and take affront to my statement. I must have shown something, because it is exactly this Inoue-chan who is coming up to offer me a hand.

"Thank you, dear."

I'm not sure if I mean the words, but I'm not ruining my good name on my last day. I completely, utterly refuse to lose out to my Actress' Heart.

As we move off the stage and towards my trailer - they've appointed me one of those extra roomy ones - the girl is just babbling on and on and on.

".. but you are still such an impeccable actress; I am so honored to have been allowed to work with you as your adopted granddaughter in this movie. Honestly, I had been a bit worried for you given all the news about your health, but if I may say so, your performance was easily on par with your role of Emma in Howlitzer's Revenge. I had my breath taken away!"

Why is it that nowadays all greenhorns seem to ramble on and on and on like this? Back in the day, I was so much more respectful of my elders. And my seniors, too. Kuon took the better part of a decade to force me to relax around him on set. If Yashiro hadn't eventually forced the issue by recording him as he privately lamented about his frustrations to him, I would never have known.

How shameful is it for ones wife to make her husband the butt of all bedroom-jokes amongst his colleagues? Or our colleagues, to be more precise. I am not sure if I could have ever been able to make him happy had Yashiro-san not betrayed Ren's trust like that - and it was a true sacrifice I still feel guilty for.

I'll have to make sure to send him another set of homemade chocolates this month. Even though they eventually mended their relationship, I was the one who cracked the foundation of trust with my careless behaviour that forced Yashiro's hand.

Or maybe I should invite him over for lunch, but that has always been a balancing act of propriety. No matter how many decades pass, the hounds still speculate about the needs of a widow. Disgusting freaks. How disrespectful of the very man they claim to protect!

The girl is waving her hands in front of my eyes. Making weird noises. Oh.

".. get you some tea? Hello?"

"Oh. Yes please, dear. That would be nice. Proper tea, right?"

Her smile is fake as she nods and disappears into my trailer with an overly chipper "Of course!".

Don't think I don't know you are clearly happy to have deposited my grumpy bum here in this chair, young lady.

Alas. As much as I want to kick back and take some pride in sipping my tea as other people are getting sweaty to clean up all the mess, I find that peace is not among the rewards for my final day. Rather, some of the other actors have come, and in respect of my tradition, have brought their own folding chairs.

As recently as a decade ago, I would still have put up a pretend-fight with getting them chairs myself, but they've worn me down on that with their schemes. Or maybe my bones have. Whatever the exact reason I yielded on the struggle, I am nevertheless quite dissatisfied that I cannot be a proper host to them.

Soon, Inoue-chan has come to serve us all our tea, and the cheerful banter between actors of all ages has burst loose. Despite the decades since Kuon's passing, I still don't know why so many talented and busy individuals spend their time drinking tea with me on the final day at a location.

With Kuon, it was always obvious: he was the truly talented one, capable of gaining peoples true appreciation. He had an inviting, gentlemanly smile of such blinding radiance that people were attracted to like moths, hoping for the honor to die in his dazzling presence.

Yet since his passing, these people seem to have congregated on me.

Fine, I will admit, Chiori's stupid moniker from back has stuck. "The Eternal Butterfly" she called me during one of her interviews, and from there, my life just turned into a non-stop rollercoaster of butterfly metaphors.

I sip my tea, and realize... there's probably several kinds of butterfly tea by now.

"So, who intends to chair these meetings in the future?"

As a small silence falls, I casually toss out the question after having sipped my tea. People glance left, and right, and more forward.

Well, it figures. It's always been a little ritual of respect and support for Kuon's lonely widow. As much as I have found strength in it at times... it is also a constant reminder.

"I thought as much. Inoue-chan, it would make me happy if you took this little ritual under your care. Consider it the selfish request of an old woman."

I smile, and she smiles back. But we are both actresses.

She sees it as validation, and well.. she's not too shabby. If she finds some strength in a meaningless gathering of people sipping tea after work, then I'll consider it the easiest and cheapest blessing I've been able to give a young actor for their future. The ritual itself? If it holds any meaning to her, I'd be surprised.

As for my smile... it holds far too many meanings for me to list.

A lifetime of crazy experiences.

A career of mistakes and successes, and whatever I could squeeze inbetween.

A chase, not for fame nor for riches, but for the ultimate intoxication.

One more line.

One more emotion.

One more costume.

One more act.

One more person fooled.

I have been running my entire life. Chasing that thrill that no person should ever feel.

And now it has brought me the inevitable end of my acting.

The end of a thrill.

It is done and over with. Fini, as the French say.

Frankly, I don't want to stop. I want to do one more movie. Appear in a variety show again. Or even say one more cheesy sentence for some low-budget commercial. Or maybe an appearance as an extra in one.

But the doctors have given me a date.

And now my challenge is... to quit.

Cold turkey, the Americans call it.

For all that I now lose as the Butterfly, I can finally face up to the undeniable truth I have been running from: I have been unfilial.

I have been a terrible wife to my beloved husband.

It is not that I did not know.

I knew.

It is that I learned too late.

But he had already died.

Today, I am a butterfly no more.

Kuon, I love you. Forgive me.


	3. Unavoidable Tragedy

**Chapter 03: Unavoidable Tragedy** _(?)_

Let's be fair, Kyoko: this is not your first time evading security.

I've done it more times than I'd care to count, even ignoring the mystery thrillers and buddy cop movies.

But this is definitely the first time where the margin for error goes into the negatives. The measures required to fix that.. no, I don't even want to think that far.

I wish I had the time to go shopping. A burka would be at the top of my list; no matter how much I'd stand out, I could probably make up for it with a fair bit of snark.

But instead, all I've got is my own face. And this magazine I scooped up on my way in the backdoor for employees as I gave the trusty old service-smile so that kid would keep the door open. Bless him.

Of course, he might now remember my face.

No no no. Think happy ending, not tragedy!

As I lift the magazine up to hide my face a bit as I walk through the hallways, I catch sight of myself in the wall-mounted mirror.

It might be vain to think this... but I was pretty cute back then! Especially compared to tomorrow's haircut and dye that are frankly an affront to feminine aesthetics... how dare that arrogant piec.. Wait. Wait wait.

Is that a Playboy I'm holding?! Why THAT of all things?!

I can't hide behind this kind of cover and be ignored!

Quickly, I approach a desk and rummage around in it, but I don't find anything more suitable. Stress balls? Balloons? The paperless office is supposed to be an ideal in this era, not an achievement! Helplessly, I shove the Playboy into the drawer. As I'm about to close it, I see a letter opener in the back. Beggars can't be choosers; I'll take it.

Time to just move on. There's not much of it to begin with, and I have improvised scenes with less warning.

God! It figures that assholes agency would litter their rooms with this women-are-property kind of macho crap. No doubt it is yet another reason he tried to keep me away from his 'work'. That asshole!

At least people are ignoring me. Mostly. Remind me to thank the good fairy for not dumping me into this world in Love-Me pink; things could be so much worse.

I think.. this is the room, right? Holding my ear to the door, I hear nothing. A quick glance down the hallway, and I see nobody, so a quick glance through the keyhole shows me.. nobody in the room. Is it unlocked?

Yes, yes it is. For so far the need to have a lockpick...

But as the door swings open, I am 100% sure. This is THE room. There's no way I could forget this stupid room. Shouko would be sitting there. The asshole over here. Hmm. I can smell some really stale cigarette smoke; assuming it is hers, Shouko's not been here in the last few hours at least.

"You are seeing things, Sho. It was a long session. Have you seen all the security guards?"

Ah crap. Shouko's voice! A quick glance around, and I see the curtains... but I also remember the closet right besides the door... there's no way the curtains could hide me.

"Maybe. But you know those fans. They'll do anything to abscond with one of my gloves. I'll just go ahead, and you finish that call while I open us a bottle of wine, okay?"

Run, Kyoko! Hide!

"You're underage, Sho! Don't you dare! I'll tattle on you if I must - even to that caring childhood friend of yours."

I only barely manage to squeeze open the closet and slip inside next to one of the jackets, pulling it shut behind me. My heart almost bounces out of my chest as I barely manage to dodge the many unused hangers by crouch underneath, all without making a noise. That was close!

Damn it. You're going to ruin it like this! Get it together!

Calm down, Kyoko! Deep breaths. You're not a novice; you've lived for nearly a century! There's so much to draw from, think.. what can I rely on.. or hmm, who? So many roles to choose from.

Oh..! Momiji! She's a true classic! Lightfooted, daring and decisive in a pinch. Even if she had to jump off a balcony, she wouldn't hesitate. Perfect!

I can hear him enter the room. He's walking about. Clearly, not finding anything.

"My gloves are still here. It must have been one of your co-workers!"

Leave it to this asshole to just shout about without realizing how much he bothers everyone else. Didn't she say she was on the phone? He's just as inconsiderate a brat as I remember him being!

As I listen, I can hear him plodding about with those bad-boy boots. What is he doing? I was hoping he'd just lay his lazy ass down on the couch so I could sneak away more easily.

Should I just risk it and dash out? If he's looking away, it would be perfect. But if he sees me, he'll recognise me. And there'd likely be a chase.

But Shouko could also wrap up her call any moment now. And not long after that, young me would come to overhear how her heart is being trampled on. Being caught is the worst of the worst; I need to stay put. It is the least risky of all the risks.

Why did I even come here? God..! Risking it all just to see that painful scene again! You stupid, stupid, STUPID girl. Do you miss those nightmares?!

Suddenly, the closet opens. And we are eye-to-eye as his hand reaches for the jacket besides me. "Kyo-?"

My sentient mind realizes Momiji was the worst of roles to rely on right that moment. A ninja should not be seen, and especially never be outed!

But compared to the reflexes of a ninja, my thoughts are nothing.

The letter-opener has already been forced through his throat with unerring accuracy.

She pulls him into the closet with me, her finger on her lips. "Shhh."

Blood... is everywhere.


End file.
